I kinda fell off the gratitude wagon this weekend, feeling rather sorry for myself and missing my husband who was having a grand time with his family in Massachusetts for Easter while Michael and I sat home alone, bored and buried in candy. At one point in the afternoon, Bill's phone accidentally 'called' mine and when I picked it up, I could hear him and others in the background talking loud and laughing. I shut the phone off for the rest of the day. Didn't want to hear anymore...from anyone.
This past week was quite the dose of reality for me. For the first time in forty-plus years, I had to cut the grass by myself. And wash the car. Two chores that had always been reserved for the guys in my life. I'd gotten over taking out the trash a long time ago. But, the grass had grown a good bit thanks to our early spring warm up. Not that we've had any showings lately, but that's one chore I wouldn't want to save until the last minute in a frantic rush should a realtor call wanting to show the house. I can Swiffer in five minutes and zip the vacuum round the rooms in no time. Mowing the lawn takes a good bit longer.
Grudgingly, I dragged the mower to the backyard after tasking Michael with picking up the stray sticks that littered the lawn after accumulating all through the winter (a waste of breath--he might've tossed four or five over the fence, I mowed over the rest.) I pushed and heaved and ran the mower through front yard and back, Tucker following curiously beside me the entire way. Even he knows this is Daddy's job...
Then there sat my car. White discolored to grey from a winter of dirty slush. Doggie nose marks smeared across every window save the front windshield, which was covered with rings from the GPS suction mount. Sigh...Saturday Bug and I filled a bucket with warm soapy water and tackled the dirty car in the warmth of afternoon sun. Standing back, proud, admiring our work once we were done, car gleeming glossy bright once again. I took him to Sheetz for an ice cream to celebrate our accomplishment and mostly to thank him for his help without any form of argument-the greater gift of the day...
It occured to me that my mother does these things by herself all the time. Widowed, seventy-four, she's been washing the car and mowing her lawn for the past three and a half years. Single moms do this stuff as well without so much as a second thought. It's just that I'm neither. And I was resentful. And happy laughter on the phone yesterday afternoon stabbed straight through my heart. And I struggled to find the joy...
But, the joy is this: I CAN do these things. I am running again. We are going bowling with friends this afternoon. I didn't give in to any candy yesterday. I got a text from Dwane, my best friend from high school, who I love with all my heart, and that made me smile wide this morning. So, I will slough off the self-pity party from yesterday and continue counting my 1000 Gifts:
#265. Back to my Monday routine at last
#266. Multi-colored egg salad pita
#267. Designed a new postcard for Easter (stop back tomorrow for Artful Tuesday to see...)
#268. Red tulips blooming bold
#269. Eating Bug's yolks--the best part!
#270. Increasing running time
#271. Treat bags all done for the class party--that we managed to put together a party in two days!!
#272. Time to paint
#273. Sweet skinny baby asparagus--I love spring produce!
#274. Setting off the metal detector at school with my spine implant (haha--that was cool!)
#275. Spring break and Bug home for a week to play!
#276. Another inmate letter (a gentle, humble reminder that I'm not the only one away from family for Easter...)
#277. Fresh mown lawn
#278. Burned over 700 calories!
#279. New weight loss goal rewards to aim for
#280. Strength and determination to stick to the plan
#281. Watching The Passion again
#282. He is risen! He is risen indeed!!