Not How I Wanted the Day to Turn Out

Yesterday was gorgeous. We had a good six to eight inches of snow fall overnight--it was a picture perfect scene straight out of Polar Express, snow piled up high, branches weighed down heavy with white burden-I could almost hear the train whistle soft, high, whisper in my ear, "Well, ya' comin'?" Wouldn't have to ask me twice! North Pole? Oh yeah--I'm there! Could we swing by Hogwarts on the way? And I wonder why my dear husband thinks I'm a little coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs...Praise God he loves me anyway!

After daily skirmish with staunch and stubborn child, we quickly made plans with friends to go play in the beautiful bounty shining bright outside--Winterfest 2012 at Moraine State Park! Hiking through the snowy woods, ice skating and fishing-ice permitting (it didn't...sad), klondike racing (that's not actually for the ice cream bar or inclusive of dogs--it's boy scouts strapped to a child laden sled racing mad through deep snow. Hilarious and the little ones loved the ride! Snowshoe tromps and cross country skiing, a taste tempting chili cook off, and soup, hot dogs, cocoa and cookies to help warm by the fireside. I loved on all the sweet dogs people brought along--the favorite of the day was a massive Irish spotted Newfie named Merlin (I'm really never gonna have that purse puppy...I love big furry happy dogs!!) Snow ball fights and snow angels swished, boys wrestling in drifts, giggling and silly, soaked and chilly, we made our way home.

Last night was our farewell dinner and service at church for our retiring pastor, Tom Pierotti. He's become a good friend over the past year or so, and a great encourager with my writing. I'm so sad to see him go--he will be dearly missed by all of us at Trinity. Dinner was incredible, a potluck thrown by Lutherans--a definite don't wanna miss! The dessert table overfloweth--we all ate too much, talking and gabbing, laughing watching little ones chasing each other through the halls...one giant noisy family. Speeches were made, gifts presented, and finally we all found our way to the sanctuary for service.

The tremors started just before the sermon. My head began shaking and Michael was panicking. Quietly we rose to leave, I simply wanted to go home to bed, to rest, my puppies and my pillows. They managed to get my coat on somehow before the seizure took hold. The most horrifying part was listening to Michael, hysterical, and I couldn't stop, I couldn't hold him, I couldn't stop. I don't know how long it lasted, the shaking continued well into the emergency room long after Valium and Ativan, then finally slowly, subsided. CT, blood work, urine...everything came back good. They sent us home with prescriptions and instructions to follow up with my neurologist this week. I would've been happy to never have to lay eyes on Dr. Elawar again, but just not meant to be...

Bug stayed with church friends last night. They have a Wii and he really needed to play, not fuss over scary shaky Mom. I miss him this morning...need to hold him, kiss him sorry. So thankful for friends who came, who helped, who love through the hard parts...thank you, all of you....

Lake Arthur frozen over

A hike in the snow--so beautiful!

Three Stooges pootered out in need of a cocoa fix

Ahhh, heat!

Peace

I can’t stop looking. The beauty, the gift God sent through the night. Snow, pristine and perfect, world wrapped in white, pure. So simple what makes my heart happy, feel like a child once more on Christmas day to see the trees sparkling, diamond light glistening. Humble, peaceful.

I love snow. I melt watching it fall from the sky, lighting on branches, coating the yard, the street, whatever lay immobile beneath. Ruby comes in from outside frosted over with flakes, white on white, I smile.

And people have to steal that joy. Complain about the cold, the drive. Why are people so ugly, so hurtful? Why is it so hard to let another be happy? To enjoy such a beautiful simple gift? I don’t begrudge them their summer, their heat, their sun. This is my season. My joy. Everyone is different, we love what makes us glow inside, unique. Let me enjoy what makes me happy.

I am turning a deaf ear to the negative, the complaints, the ugliness. I am listening for the song, beautiful on high, music in my heart, peace in my soul. I am listening for Him.

Whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely or admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things. ~Phillipians 4:6

Book Swap Friday

It’s Book Swap Friday. I send out a weekly email to our group on Fridays of books available for swapping and thought I might entice a few more readers to join us with an update here on my blog. I unearthed another box of books yesterday that was never unpacked from our last move…Apparently I’ll be reading forever! Which truly is a wonderful thing—I had wondered where some of these books had gone. Now I know. I’m as big of a book-a-holic as I am a pen-a-holic! One can never have too many—am I right??

So here is our current list of available titles—please feel free to join us, we’d love to have you!

Love Wins by Rob Bell

Game of Thrones by GRR Martin

From a Distance-Tamera Alexander

While I Was Gone-Sue Miller

Here on Earth-Alice Hoffman

In the Company of the Courtesan-Sarah Dunant

Birth of Venus-Sarah Dunant

Halo Effect-MJ Rose

Life of Pi-Martel

Eragon by Christopher Paolini

Eldest by Christopher Paolini

Healing Your Marriage When Trust is Broken by Cindy Beall

7 Wonders That Will Change Your Life by Glenn Beck

Simple Genius by David Baldacci

Overcoming Dislexia by Sally Shaywitz

Deja Dead (Temperance Brennan #1) by Kathy Reichs

Death Du Jour (Temperance Brennan #2) by Kathy Reichs

Harvest and Life Support (2 in one book) Tess Gerritsen

The Litigators by John Grisham

V is for Vengance by Sue Grafton

Shadow Zone by Iris Johansen

Fit to be Tied by Karen Kendell

I Alex Cross by James Patterson

The Lake of Dead Languages by Carol Goodman

The Sum of All Fears-Tom Clancy

Confessions of a Shopaholic-Sophie Kinsella

Six Seconds-Rick Mofina

Tropic of Cancer-Henry Miller

The Alexandria Link-Steve Berry

Bronx Justice-Joseph Teller

The 47th Samuria-Stephen Hunter

Death's Door-Meryl Sawyer

White Wash-Alex Kava

The Mummy Returns-Max Allan Collins

Waiting to Exhale-Terry McMillan

The Manchurian Candidate-Richard Condon

The Devil Wears Prada-Lauren Weisberger

Mystic River-Dennis Lehane

The Mask of Atreus-AJ Hartley

Planet of the Apes-William T Quick (based on motion picture screenplay)

 

Battle of the Beyblades

I’m in the dog house. Michael’s mad at me this morning. I took away his Beyblades. Don’t know what Beyblades are? Oh how I envy you…Beyblades are these battling top things that cost an arm and a leg considering what you’re actually getting for your money—a shiny little plastic top at $9 a pop…Yeah…

He begged and pleaded and boo-boo eyed me into buying him a new Beyblade the other day. After two weeks straight of fighting with him, he was actually being good for a change—because he wanted a Beyblade. I’m no fool. Or am I? He stayed on his absolute best behavior to convince me I should get him this new toy, and sucker that I am, I gave in and bought it for him. He wanted a battling stadium, too, but that was another ten dollars and I put my foot down. The kid has stopped doing his chores lately and hasn’t tried to earn any allowance, so I thought if he really wanted this paper thin glorified litter box, he could step it up at home and earn some money to buy it on his own. I’m not Santa Claus, kiddo!! Heh-heh…okay, I am, but he doesn’t need to know that, right?

He pouted for a few seconds at my refusal, then got over it before I made him put the new Beyblade back as well. Once home, he put the top together and battled with his other two Beyblades and was a happy little clam…for a while.

I really ought to know better by now. Michael can be the world’s sweetest angel when he wants something. Then, as soon as he has it, he turns back into Beastie Boy (singular, not to be confused with the band which is Boys, plural…and to think I wanted twins…) So after he played all afternoon with his Beyblades and boredom set in, he set about tormenting Sweet Pea. Slyly. Thinking somehow Mom is an idiot and I wouldn’t notice what he was up to…sitting on the couch opposite me…

Pea, admittedly, was hogging the greater portion of the sofa. And she’s the littlest of our dogs. There is really no need for her to lay claim to two-thirds of the living room’s largest piece of furniture…But she had, and Michael just couldn’t let sleeping dogs lie. He did squish himself to the far end of the couch, with a pillow propped between him and her, a barrier of sorts, because Pea is quite grumpigous these days and will growl and moan her annoyance at anyone disturbing her seat. Doubly so if she’s hoarding a chewie at the time.

Well, boy that Michael is, he’d tug on the afghan a little, just enough to raise a Pea brow and a low grumble. I told him to leave her alone. I may as well have addressed the wall. He kept it up and kept it up until she snapped and I snapped, and he and I were off and yelling. So, I took his Beyblades. I had warned him one condition of keeping his new Beyblade was that he had to continue to be good and not fight with me, or else I’d take it away and if he argued enough, he’d end up paying me back the cost of the top.

He ranted and yelled that it wasn’t fair for me to take all of his Beyblades, I should only take the one. Well, then, he’d still have two to battle, and absolutely no reason to earn his allowance to pay me back the nine dollars I’d shelled out for him. Duh! Now I have them all and if he wants them back, he will indeed have to do his chores and pay me every penny, or he shall have zero Beyblades to battle!

So he woke up this morning and refused to speak to me. However, he promptly got dressed and fixed himself his breakfast and was actually ready for school without so much as a single nagging reminder from me to hurry up or we’d miss the bus! We could be on to something here…

Peace Retreat

I posted the other day about Ann Voskamp's peace retreat and made a little progress yesterday creating my own little retreat space at home in my bedroom. I found a little Psalm and poetry book at Walmart and picked up the most yummy smelling vanilla scented candle. Once home, I repurposed a favorite wire basket to hold the Psalm book along with another book of prayers, a tiny journal and pen, and a few other books that might prove useful and calming during a time-out...for me, anyway--I don't know how helpful it might be for Michael, now that I think about it. I need to find a prayer book or two geared more towards kids for him...But, I did tell him he was more than welcome to look through the book of Psalms and write in the journal if he wanted. I added a bigger composition book for more in-depth scribblings and think I might tuck a small sketchpad in there as well, along with a few pens and pencils tucked in the nightstand drawer. It's a start, anyway...

I also found online a while ago a pdf file for Five Minute Retreats That Revive the Spirit and Refresh the Soul from another blog: Marsha's Musings. I can't find the link to the retreat though, but if anyone is interested, I can email a copy of the pdf. It's a 24 day program of daily five minute 'time-outs' to help you refocus and reenergize. I'll have to print it out and add that to my basket as well. Drop me a line if you'd like a copy of the pdf file.

So Michael heads back to school this morning in the cold and snow. I have a short to-do list for the day and plan to get some drawing or painting done later this afternoon...maybe even take Tucker for a walk and enjoy the new fallen snow.

Things I'm thankful for this morning:
Tiny snowflakes tickling my face as I open the door to let the pups out in the still dark of morning
Kind and thoughtful neighbors and friends
Silly dogs who always make me laugh

Peace retreat basket on my nightstand

I had JUST made the bed!!

What???

If You Could Have Any Job in the World, What Would it Be?

Hmm, I'd have a hard time choosing between being a buyer and an editor. Imagine being paid to either shop or read--does it get any better than that? Oo! Or a food critic! Getting paid to EAT!!! But then you might get fat or you'd really have to step up the workouts to keep up with the caloric intake...but it would be so worth it, right? Imagine eating (for FREE!) at all the finest restaurants and getting paid for savoring mouthwatering dishes you might never get to try otherwise...Yeah...I'd dig that job.

Not that being a stay at home mom isn't great. I can cook up all those amazing meals if I wanted, right? I have the convenience of the internet to find any recipe imaginable and YouTube for technique tutorials if needed. Heck, you could probably even order the most illusive ingredients online if it's not available at the grocery store and/or Walmart!

I watched the movie Julie and Julia last week for the first time--what a brilliant idea for a blog! Now I imagine thousands of folks are busy trying to do the exact same thing, find success sponging off someone else's original idea in hopes of striking it rich and famous...Not that that was Julie's intention, to become rich and famous, but kudos to her for doing so and for inspiring others to try something new and aspire for more than the simple status quo.

But back to my current state of affairs--how blessed am I to be home every day, to take care of my baby and watch him grow up? All struggles and arguments aside--that really is a gift in this 'two income family' day and age. I've had the opportunity to hand raise my baby parrotlet, Squiggy, which I couldn't have done if I had to go out in the world and work a day job. I have the leisure to paint, write, study, cook, read...and most days I glaze over those opportunities taken for granted...I may not have oodles of time to devote to any of those activities after attending to the household chores of the day, but even a little time is more than many folks get to enjoy. I am blessed.

I suppose, in a sense, I am a buyer: I buy all the food, clothes, furniture, decorations, etc for our home and family. I may not get paid to do so, but my bookshelves overflow with tomes to read in my own good sweet time. And, I can be as adventurous as I dare in my kitchen. The sky is the limit when it comes to cooking--who needs to pay those exhorbitant restaurant prices! Am I right?

I am living my dream job...thanks to my wonderful husband who busts his butt to allow me to do so. I love you, honey!!

Sleepy Boo

Ugh

Frazzled this morning...Sleeping in really doesn't do me any favors for the way it sets me off for the day in a frustrated, stressed out mood before the day even begins. But Tucker still wants to wake up around two to go outside, followed rather lazily by Sweet Pea, and by the time she slowly shuffles outside I'm frozen and wide awake, then when I finally find my way back to bed after their late night potty trip, I lay there for hours trying to get back to sleep and subsequently end up sleeping later than I'd like...It's not my best way to start the day.

So I'm already late getting up which means I have less time to do everything I need or want to do before the rest of the house wakes up and Bill had to get up early to get to the airport this morning, cutting even deeper into the diminished remains of "my time"...Then he sat down at my laptop because I made the mistake of vacating my seat to go look for a pair of buried in the basement microfiber cleaning cloths that were recommended on a website I had run across moments earlier, and upon my arrival upstairs once more, website was then gone, and Bill sat in my spot, Realtor.com pulled up to show me yet another house (of already the umpteen millionth he's shown me...or at least a good hundred ...) in Massachusetts that he liked that, realistically, will be long gone by the time we get around to truly looking at houses we can actually possibly buy AFTER we have a contract to sell this house in the process....

I snapped at him--I really don't want to look at houses now. I was in the middle of my morning surfing, gathering ideas for decluttering and cleaning up this house and getting ready to move, along with the usual devotional websites I enjoy...And then I apologized for snapping because I realized it was rude and I wouldn't want him to snap at me like that...I really am not much of a morning person, but add on to that the stress of him being away, me being here alone and fighting with Michael every day through the week because he's feeling as much of this stress as I am and we only have each other to take it out on...

I broke into tears yesterday at bowling just watching Michael. He's so wigged out through all of this that he's doing his facial tics again, worse than ever, and he's already super critical with himself when he doesn't bowl well, and feeling this added weight makes him feel, and bowl, even crappier creating this awful vicious cycle. My heart breaks for him, wishing there was some way to make this time easier for both of us, but I just don't know how to do that.

Then Bill comes back and asks me to do something else for him and then Michael asks for pancakes, the dogs are all looking at me because they need fed, it's already past eight, and here I sit with absolutely nothing accomplished, a list a mile long for the day, but none of that seems to matter to anyone else...I lost it, we both yelled and argued, and now he's on his way to the airport and we're both miserable...I hate this part. And it's only the beginning....

But I found this suggestion for a peace retreat in your home on my favorite website, A Holy Experience...I need to do this. I need to do this here and I will most certainly create a special spot in our new home for this. I've been praying for peace lately because I have been feeling so stressed and worried about how Michael's handling it as well...And God gave me this today. It's just up to me to integrate it into our lives--a project to shift my focus from the weight of this day to the One who is Himself, my Peace (Eph. 2:14).

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Do You Ever Wonder?

Is God trying to tell us something lately? I think of the books I've recently read: Don Piper's 90 Minutes in Heaven, Todd Burpo's Heaven is for Real, Rob Bell's Love Wins, and, though I haven't read them yet-they're on my list: Bill Wiese's 23 Minutes in Hell and Kevin Malarkey's The Boy Who Came Back from Heaven...All of them seem to be urging us to wake up and pay attention--something seems to be happening. I believe God is wanting us to recognize the end isn't all that far off.

Example after example, story after story, of visits to heaven, encounters with Jesus, portraits painted by aetheists' children...I don't know what that speaks to you, but I'm sitting up and taking notice.

Now, I'm not gonna go on about this being 2012 and the end of the world is supposed to be later this year--even though that does sit in the back of my head and make me think, hmmm....just what were the Mayans trying to tell us? But, more importantly to me is what is being said in these books: the kingdom is coming, are you ready? I don't think God revealed the end of the world to the Mayan civilization, or Nostradamus, or any other human being or culture...

Maybe it's not even 'The End' but rather the New Beginning...For certain, it's something. End of times prophecy scares the bejeebers out of me--the destruction of the earth, fire, earthquakes, floods and devastation, entire thirds of the world population being wiped out...Then, reading these books paints quite a different picture...of heaven and of peace, inconceivable beauty beyond imagination....the immeasurable love of God.

I think maybe it's high time we started really paying attention...and being sure we're prepared. The bridegroom comes....

Better Time Management

Along with having a healthier new year for both Bill and I, I would love more than anything to develop better time management skills. I am a queen of lists and that works well for me, all my to-do's lined up every day and watching them get scratched off one by one is very gratifying. But yet, I feel like I could be accomplishing so much more with my day...

I perused a few websites this morning looking for suggestions of how to improve my time management and two ideas seemed promising: multi-tasking and scheduling. Reading while walking on the treadmill would accomplish two goals at the same time, brilliant--and open up time for more things later in the day when I'd typically try to catch up on reading. And scheduling time for specific tasks I'd like to achieve: studying, writing, painting or drawing, crafting (jewelry-making is catching my eye lately...)

I'm well aware of the frame of mind that we make time for what is important to us. I make time for bible study every morning. I make time to workout. I make time to shop, eat, read, catch up on my favorite TV shows. As much as I don't like it, I still make time to clean every day because it's important to my family's health and well-being. I make time to let the birds out to play.

So I have my daily planner open and ready at the kitchen table, where I always start my day. A little time prioritizing these not so new tasks and scheduling them into my week is a simple baby step I can take to making more of the year ahead. But first I need to get in the shower and head to bowling! Last qualifying window for the Pepsi tournament for McBug...good luck to my little guy!!!

Snow...hardly

I was all excited yesterday at the promise of more snow overnight, two to four inches! Yeah, yeah, most of it would hit the mountains and I knew we'd be on the lighter receiving end of things, but still...I woke up a little past three and the top of my garden window was covered--my heart did its little jig! Snow!! I wiggled out from in between Tucker and Pea, slipped on my squishy socks and robe, gave morning butt and ear scritches and we fuzzy four headed to the back door to see the glory.

Well, it was white. And a lot had stuck to the sides of things-I guess from being wet with the earlier rain and the wind had blown snow mostly sideways. Pretty. But not deep. A coating at best. I have to say, I'm feeling jipped so far snow wise this year! Last year we had a gorgeous white Christmas and the snow stayed well into the new year. Then we got more, and more--I was in heaven! This year...I feel like I may as well still be in Tennessee--hmmph!

I know, I know--be careful what you wish for. Bill does have to drive home from Rochester today, so I'm thankful the roads should be clear for his trip. I'm sure we'll have more than enough soon and I'll be cuddled up on the couch with cocoa in hand, grinning gleefully ear to ear, watching the white wash away the dreary grey. It'll come...it'll come. I tell myself...patience...

 

A Rainy OCD Thursday

Rather than blog this morning, I sat and reorganized my book reading list. This is only proof to the pudding of how OCD I truly am...I have several series that I want to read all at the same time, including the Song of Fire and Ice by George RR Martin, the Lord of the Rings trilogy by JRR Tolkien (what's with the double R's, I wonder??), Diana Gabaldon's Outlander series, the Twilight saga, and Steig Larsson's Millenium trilogy. Then, I have a bookshelf of miscellaneous books that I've owned for years that I need to read...but right now only a handful really interest me. So...between Amazon and Goodreads, I ranked each series according to the ones which had received the highest readers' ratings, along with the other few odd ball books I want to toss in the mix, did my darnedest to turn a blind eye to more recommendations from both sites--aaahh!!! And then reordered my reading list for the year ahead. I'm shuffling between all five series and then the other individual books in an effort to not get burned out reading one author's work for too long--and also hoping this strain of madness will create a curiosity to get back to each individual series as I go along...I know, I totally overthink things, but a girl with a plan is a happy girl!! Even if that plan is subject to change due to availability and/or an unexpected appearance of some other great work of writing that must be read immediately!! (You just know it's gonna happen...)

So, book list reorganized, I should be finishing up The Hobbit either today or tomorrow, then will begin George RR Martin's Clash of Kings...I can't wait to get back into the Seven Kingdoms and find out what happens with the Baratheons, the Lannisters, and the Starks!

And as for our book swap group, a new, updated list of books will be going out tomorrow, so check your email!

How My Afternoon Looks

Three Sleepy Puppies

Feeder raider

Zen doodle Lectio Divina

Fresh Mercy

Well, yesterday was a wash. I finally climbed out of bed around eleven and dragged myself to the livingroom for the remainder of the day. I sat and watched Grey's reruns off the dvr and a couple Big Bang episodes, lounged lazily over Facebook and Twitter throughout the day. Didn't get a single other thing accomplished from my chore list, so today's list is doubly long now. Fortunately my migraine has dissipated and only a little queasiness remains. I think I'll pass on the morning workout and satisfy myself with scratching off the day's To-Do's...which includes a little drawing and reading--I think I can handle that.

Michael has been a little Jekyll and Hyde this week. I'm trying to remember this whole moving situation is as stressful for him as it is for me, and I'm hoping to muster more patience. It's not easy when he's screaming at me, mad that his PSP froze and roughly throwing a brand new game disc carelessly into the drawer without its case, wanting to throw it in the garbage but I won't let him because it cost twenty dollars for Christmas! He thinks gifts from Santa are free...maybe it'll be better when he no longer believes in Santa, though nothing else concerning the value of money has ever sunk into his stubborn little head.

Later after his tantrum subsides, he's all hugs and kisses and I love you's. And I calm myself to love and hug him back. Let out a sigh as we hold on to each other. This is just the beginning of another long road, and we've travelled this way before. God's grace will see us through. God, whose mercies are new every morning, reminds me that we, too, can try again every morning, He's given us a new start. So I take a deep breath, say a prayer of thanks for seeing us through migraines and tantrums yesterday, and thanking Him as well for a new day and fresh mercy: our daily bread.

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;
   his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
“The LORD is my portion,” says my soul,
“therefore I will hope in him.”

~Lamentations 3:22-24

Under the Weather Today

I woke up this morning with a migraine and a sick stomach and am only now getting myself out of bed. I did have to drag myself to school with Michael so we wouldn't have to sit forever at the bus stop, but parked my head back on the pillow as soon as he was off and I'd managed to get the dogs and birds all fed.

So I don't know if this is the flu or just a bad migraine episode--I had some strange muscle spasms that Michael thought meant I was having a seizure, but I settled back down shortly, calmed him down and busied him with getting dressed and ready for school. Certainly this too shall pass.

Tucker and Pea are fighting for mama-sitting privileges--I may not be able to sit on the loveseat with both of them hovering over me. Days like this make me wish the TV in the bedroom was hooked up to our dvr so all of us could linger happily at Hogwarts until it was time to pick up Bug again from school...At least chores can wait until tomorrow and I brought some soup up to thaw from the freezer downstairs. If the dogs'll let me, I'll be on the couch until further notice....

Leaving Again

Bill heads to Rochester this week to continue training. Bug and I will prepare for another bowling tournament--the annual In-House scholarship tournie is this weekend. He did pretty well at yesterday's doubles tournament. He would've done better if he hadn't let the pressure get to him...Saturday is also the final Pepsi qualifying window. Fingers crossed, fingers crossed!! But I think we'll head to the alley after school on Wednesday again, let him bowl a few games and continue to build some more confidence with his new ball.

As for me, I'm beginning to mentally prepare for the coming move. I think I've gone through some sort of grieving process...Mild denial as Bill interviewed for his new position--is this really gonna happen again??? A bout of depression as the reality sunk in of having to say good-bye to another group of friends. Anger took over for a little while...Having abandonment issues from being adopted, things get pretty stirred up as Bill takes off for his new job and Michael and I are left behind to deal with life on our own as well as managing packing and selling the house here...again...Yeah...little angry...But now as I face the challenge of weeding out and decluttering and collecting boxes for packing, I can focus on what I need to do and getting that job done. Having something to actually do helps shift from anger to motivation, knowing at some point this will all finally be behind us and then what will I fuss about??

While Bill's gone, I like to steal his bathrobe and wear his jackets...something to make me feel still attached to him in a sense, I guess. If anything ever happened to him, heaven forbid, I'd most likely bury myself in his closet and refuse to come out...The dogs all miss him, too. Sweet Pea clings to me every minute of the day for fear I might disappear as well. Tucker listens intently for the garage door opener and watches vigilantly out the front window, even paces a while at bedtime without Daddy here before he'll finally settle down and climb in bed. But once Bill walks in the door for the weekend, they're both fine again and life resumes back to normal for a couple days, anyway. At least Ruby isn't awake enough through the day to even notice someone's missing...poor old thing! Wish I could just sleep through the whole ordeal!!

The Tucker curl--who could ask for a better pillow??

Tucker the Destroyer

Tucker's now nine months old and a big, healthy, brute of a pup. I'm so head over heels in love with this dog--he's totally stolen my heart. He's gorgeous, silly and playful, loving, brilliantly smart, and a cuddler (though he thinks he's part cat and tries cramming his almost eighty pound body on the back of the loveseat to curl around my shoulders as I watch TV--that totally melts me and is absolutely crushing the loveseat cushions!!) I'm madly, wildly in love with my maniac...most likely his saving grace, because the dog is complete trial!!

What has Tucker eaten lately? And I don't mean food or treats, people...Aside from finally shredding the last of the plush toys that remained from Sweet Pea's puppy days, he's chewed up the wire from my heating pad, had to go buy a new one; a purple ink pen he helped himself to from the top of the pc tower in the office--not like it was laying lost and forgotten on the floor, he had to go out of his way to snag this one! He ate a little wooden cat knick knack off one of the livingroom end tables, that I had bought at Pier One years ago and absolutely loved--gone. A pair of underwear stolen from the bathroom floor while the owner was in the shower. A small bucket on the back porch that was supposed to collect the rain leaking from one of  the skylights. Some rusty nails Bill left in the bucket (and got a good scolding for for leaving something so potentially lethal in the path of Tucker! Fortunately he didn't swallow any...) He gnawed a corner off of our oriental rug. An afternoon was spent wrestling with a lawn ornament in the backyard--not some itty bitty little gnome statue, either. This is a honkin' huge metal sundial trellis looking thing--he dragged it from one end of the yard to another! And, hoping to appease him after he ate all the plush toys, I'd bought him a Kong Beast at Petco. I should know better. He can destroy a Kong in minutes flat. But this was a Kong BEAST! Right on the packaging it claimed to be puncture resistant, able to stand up to even the heaviest chewers! I'm such a shopping sucker...Tuck destroyed the beast in less than three minutes. Puncture resistant for a chihuahua maybe!!! And so the dilemma continues--what to do with this dog??

Nylabones are the ONLY thing he can't destroy. I've bought him two now and he LOVES them! He chomps on them for hours and has barely made a dent in either of them. Well, that and he has two different balls he's not been able to chew apart because they're too big for him to really get a good grip on with his incisors. One is a Kong--their extra large squeeze ball that squeeks, so he adores it! The other...I can't remember the brand, but it's one that can be stuffed with treats and it drives him insane, but keeps him occupied for a good long time...Aahh, my baby!!

Tuck loves to hog up as many toys at once as he can--he's got two chewies and is laying on one of his Nylabones....heaven forbid one of the other dogs might get a toy!

Sleepy snuggy Sweet Pea...zzzzz

A Better Mom

Michael and I watched 'America's Super Nanny' the other night. The episode featured a family of six: preacher dad, stay at home mom, and four kids, one of which was a very strong willed child with Downs Syndrome. Mom was utterly exhausted from trying to manage these kids and the house pretty much alone as the father was gone all day at work then came home and shut himself in the bedroom for another chunk of the night-not paying one bit of attention to the kids or mom...but he did come out for dinner. Oh gee--so glad you could join us!!

My heart broke for this mom who was beyond defeated and just completely overwhelmed. The kids all felt ignored and neglected and Dad was absolutely oblivious to his own disconnectedness. Michael immediately picked up on the lack of discipline in the house and pointed out to me that no one was yelling at the kids. Um, yeah, they're not doing anything to guide these kids...But to him, not being yelled at meant this was a better mom! This exhausted, emotionally/psychologically checked out mom was a better mom than me...because she didn't yell. Kids could do whatever with no repercussions...

Okay, I don't like yelling at Michael. But he is SOOOOOO stubborn and never wrong and never to blame--I confess I can lose my patience and my mind and tend to yell a good bit more than is at all helpful or necessary. Bill is in the same boat, perhaps even quicker to lose his temper because he's not as immune to the daily banging your head on the wall trying to get this kid to cooperate...And Michael apparently perceives this yelling not as a way to try to get through to him, but more that we don't love him because we're not patient with him--what???? Not patient??!! After asking him five or six times to get dressed for school as he sits in his jammies on the couch watching Regular Show reruns and playing his PSP and he's not budged one inch....not patient???

The saddest part of the show came when Super Nanny pointed out to the parents that they had zero expectations for their son with Downs. They let him get away with bad behavior and not finishing his homework because they didn't expect anything better from him. Nanny got that turned around, gave Mom and Dad a new perspective and a helpful set of tools to work with their boy to encourage and guide him to do better. It was like a different family by the end of the show...

I know we do have high expectations of Michael. He's brilliantly smart and talented in so many ways. And, okay, yelling isn't the way to get anyone to do anything...We need to work on that. I do need to be a better mom--not an utterly defeated mom who lets him get away with everything...but one who can communicate better and encourage him to be better as well. Okay, where's my Super Nanny to fix our family??

Another Dawn Day...

I'm having one of those 'sliding off the edge of the world' kind of mornings...You know when you wake up all full of the best intentions for the day, only to find little bits here and there slipping silently, sneakily away from you?

I already woke up late. Then I didn't want to get out of bed until the furnace stopped running--don't ask me why, it made sense to me in the moment?? See, our thermostat died yesterday--or at least I noticed it yesterday...I really don't know for sure the exact offing of it. But I had turned it down another degree...Monday? After Bill left, I think...He complains because I keep it cold in the house. It's winter! Put a sweater on!! Wrap a blanket over yourself! 'Tis the season to snuggie! I am a frugal tightwad cheapskate and I'll be darned if I'll pay one extra penny to these utility companies than I have to (try not sending your check in with the bill--yeah, gotta try to straighten that mess up later on today...brainless!!)

Fortunately the furnace is still running, I just have no idea what temperature the thermostat is now set at because what does one do when there's no reading on the thermostat? You push all the buttons up and down to see if that will magically make the numbers reappear! Yeah, that doesn't work...It is a little warmer than I tend to strive for, but now I'm afraid to touch the thermostat anymore for fear it quits communicating with the furnace all together...I don't mind snuggying in blankets, sweaters, squishy socks and slippers, but I don't want to completely freeze, thank you kindly!

Bill heads home later today--hallelujah! These things only happen when he's away, I swear! I'll let him determine if we need a new thermostat or if there's a simple enough fix like replacing a battery. I'm steering clear of the whole thing until he's done his man magic over it and I know it's safe to drop the household temperatures once more...

So, woke up late, not sure what the temperature in the house is, Michael then woke up wanting me to shave his hair off...My dear sweet Bug, who's worked all summer growing his hair long to be like Andrew across the street, he looks so cute with longer hair--okay he looks adorable bald as a cueball, too, but it took him so much time to get his hair this long and it's really gonna snag in the trimmer and he'll be mad when it hurts and I really don't want to do this this morning....But he's been bugging all week for me to trim his hair because the bangs tickle his forehead and he tries shaking them off his face, but it's turned more into a nervous tick and the kids are giving him a hard time about it at school...So, I stop what I'm doing, I don't have time to run before I have to get him to school anyway now since I slept in, and God will forgive me if I skip my prayer journal to do something to make my Bug's day a little better at school, so I shut him in the bathroom with the trimmers and shave his sweet little head down to crew cut stubble again. Oh Shannon, we tried! He is such a cutie...Grandma will be happy--she likes his hair all shorn and neat, cowlicks clipped into submission.

So then I have this need to reconcile with family today. The Spirit's been sitting on me for a while and I've fought and argued and pleaded my case...But,you know God is always right and you can argue and debate, but He'll always win...So, I'm trying. I'm willing to try. They're all screwed up and goofy, but then so am I. It kinda makes life a little easier when you're with people just like you, who can catch you when you're day is sliding all apart at the seams and falling off the edge of the world...

Half Steppin' Detox

I saved the January/February 2009 issue of Body and Soul magazine for its new year health challenge. Its five week program includes a detox diet, and encourages fitness and stress reduction. I somewhat remember working their program three years ago-it was during my surge to get back in shape after eating myself fat trying to cope with my dad's unsuccessful battle against lung cancer. I was all hyped up on running, eating better, and trying to get skinny again.

So this new years, I dug out the magazine, buried on the kitchen bakers rack under a few other light and healthy cooking magazines, and thought I'd give it another go. I'd put on a few unwanted pounds over the holidays, hadn't kept up with my usual exercise routine due to a lack of energy or gumption, and figured perhaps a renewed effort in the not-so-new health challenge might be a good place to get started again.

There used to be an online program that went with the magazine issue, but...that was three years ago. Apparently things don't last forever on the internet...However, for anyone who's curious or interested in this year's health challenge, you can check out Whole Living's 2012 Action Plan. It's similar to my magazine's plan, just tweeked a little for more current times...

Since I'm still dealing with leftover pork roast and sauerkraut from my new year's dinner--been eating that every night for dinner! Tonight should finish it off...I've not been a hundred percent invested in the detox diet. I have managed to stick to the lunches of brown rice mixed with legumes and steamed veggies--that's right up my alley! Love that combo! I'm not a huge tea fan, but I'm trying. They also suggest a cup of warm lemon water first thing in the morning and right before bed at night to aid digestion. I can do that. I'm limiting coffee to two or three cups a day, and it's already half-caffeine, so that's in my favor.

However, their suggestion to substitute dairy milk with easier to digest almond milk....I have to say a big giant nuh-uh!! I bought a quart yesterday, figuring I'd give it a shot. Hubby's become a little lactose intolerant the past couple of years, so I thought this might be a good move for both of us. Oh, no, no, no....no!! I poured about a tablespoon into my coffee this morning and thought I'd try it on my cereal later. Oh good gosh! The taste, even in the coffee, is WEIRD!! And it coated my throat with almond yuck that I'm still trying to swallow down...Almond milk is definitely not for me. I'll stick with good old cow milk. I like cows. And I really like their milk. Especially chocolate...

So, I'm still carrying on with the rest of the diet. Okay, I haven't been able to give up my oatmeal/ peanut butter conglomeration since the Krave was such a disappointment--but I'm working on that! Half steppin' is better than not steppin' at all, right? And speaking of steppin', I need to go zig a little Zumba this morning! Happy Thursday!!

Goodreads 2012 Reading Challenge

Last year I decided to join up to Goodreads 2011 reading challenge. Considering I like fat books, I set my challenge at fifteen books, a little over a book a month--what was I thinking? I don't know how I did it, but I surpassed that goal and read eighteen books last year! When Goodreads posted the new challenge for this year, I decided to up the ante a little to beat last year's total and go for twenty books. I don't know how I'll manage to read that much, but I'm sure I'll have fun trying! And I don't imagine I'll be likely to go for any skinnier books, either--that feels too much like cheating. I'll just have to shut the TV off a little longer and keep my face buried in the pages instead--plenty fine by me!

This morning I came across a fifty book challenge on Live Journal. Whew! I wish I could read that much--and it would have to be some awfully skinny books! A girl has a house to clean and pack up and get ready to sell and move several states away on top of daily care of child and critters and self...Maybe some day...But for now I'll stick with my goal of twenty. That sounds pretty good to me. How about you, how many books will you try to read this year? Why not sign up for the challenge on Goodreads today?

And if you missed my post for the book swap, join us here.

Snow!!

Our first good snow and not so much as a delay this morning--I'm shocked! Perhaps they'll have an early dismissal since we're supposed to get another two to three inches later on today. Bug's pretty bummed he has to go to school, but, alas, this is not Tennessee...Kids go to school when it snows in Pennsylvania. Wait until we're in Massachusetts and it's even colder and snowier and he still has to go to school...It's all relative, my little Bug...and off you go!!

I didn't do so good starting my detox diet yesterday. It's hard to begin a diet when there's others you have to feed in your household. Bill was still here for lunch and then there were the dinner leftovers from New Years, almost a whole pork roast swimming in sauerkraut...Michael won't touch anything that's touched sauerkraut. So I suppose I'll be finishing off that roast by myself this week, which means detox most likely won't begin until next week. Eh, not a big deal...my thighs don't know it's a new year, cellulite can hold on for a few more days.

It also didn't help that I found THREE new cereals at Walmart yesterday! Well, four, I guess. Kellogg's has come up with a new chocolate cereal called Krave. There's chocolate and double chocolate--a chocolate filled cereal bite that I simply couldn't live without. Then Cheerios now has a peanut butter flavor and a dulce de lecce flavor!! I was all in a cereal swirl over which to buy!! The double chocolate Krave won out this time--it simply sounded too glorious to leave on the shelf.

I've been craving chocolate at night, more like a cake craving, and trying to appease myself, have created my own version of the chocolate oatmeal no-bake cookie conglomeration, without the added sugar and butter. I dump about a half cup or so of old fashioned oatmeal in a bowl with a scoop of peanut butter and a squirt of chocolate syrup, squish it all together and viola! Dessert! It's whole grain and healthy fats, with only a tiny amount of sugar from the syrup, so, good, right?? Yeah, it's still probably a good three hundred calories or more that I don't need right before bedtime...So, finding this double chocolate Krave cereal, I thought I could possibly cut that calorie count in half by replacing my cookie mess with a bowl of cereal. It's worth a shot, at least in my mind...

So how is the cereal, you might ask? Not so good...It sticks to your teeth, like Cap'n Crunch or worse. It's chocolatey enough, but I don't like scraping cereal paste from my molars. Yuck. I definitely won't be adding it to my shopping list--but I will be trying those new Cheerios flavors!! Oh yeah....peanut butter and caramel--mm mm goodness gracious!!

Yeah...not so much...

Torn

Tucker jolted me out of bed this morning just a little past three with a brief bout of tummy sickness that had my steering him clear of bed blankets and carpeting. Chasing him through the living room, I glanced out the front windows in the light of the street lamps. A beautiful light blanket of snow lay on the ground and street this morning with the promise of more on the way later this afternoon and through tomorrow. Myself, I'm ecstatic. Michael is hopeful they may cancel school on Tuesday. Bill is not so happy as he has to drive to New York later today as more of the promised winter storm bears down. It's hard to be excited about something when it could possibly threaten the safety of the one you love. Other friends are driving home from Tennessee today, so I'm praying for safe travels all around. Still, I am happy that we're finally getting a good snow. I can't help myself. Warm soup and marshmallowy cocoa, snow ball fights, and more importantly: simply lounging on the loveseat, watching the flakes floating, falling effortlessly from the sky...I love winter!

I'm also torn about running this morning. I cut way back on my runs at the end of the year due to being plagued later by awful headaches every time I went out. I've stuck to my treadmill, barely finishing two or three miles, not bothering to run outside at all anymore--which I always loved. I miss the road, the hills, the weather. I miss running with Tucker-he's a great partner, beautiful stride, totally enthusiastic, so much fun to run with-all full of joy and eagerness. I'd love more than anything to take him for a spin in the snow this morning. I'd also love to train for a 10k or a half-marathon, but fear of the headaches returning makes me feel more inclined to keep it at only a few miles in the comfort of my basement. It's no fun getting old.

I suppose the important thing is staying healthy, keeping positive. Moderate exercise is better than no exercise at all. I'm also beginning a detox diet, hoping that might help me feel a little better, more energized. We ate a lot of junk over the holidays, time to get back on track and be better to myself and my health! And, with that, I'm off to the basement for a little Deathly Hallows while I churn out a few good miles to Adele...Good day, all!

And So We Begin

Happy New Years folks! 2012...There's so much controversy over this year, I'll save that for another post. I don't want to start the year off on a negative foot. In fact, that's my one resolution for this year: to be less negative. I intend to keep my contrary comments to myself and to be more encouraging and uplifting. No one likes a gloomy gus, so a zipper on the kisser for those nasty, naysaying notes!

Instead, I am proposing a book swap group! Okay, that has nothing to do with being positive or negative, other than reading is most certainly a positive, or, well, can be...But before I begin rambling here (too late!), I know I have a lot of rabid reading friends, and it's occurred to me over some past Facebook posts that we're all reading or wanting to read a good deal of the same books!

Now, many of those may be Kindle or Nook e-book versions that we're unable to swap, but it seems to be that as I've been shopping for many of the books I want to read, the paperback versions are suddenly less expensive than the Kindle versions! And tightwad cheapskate that I am--frugal! I'm frugal!! I will invariably go with the least expensive option. And mailing books is fairly inexpensive as well if you ask for the media mail rate. It seems to take a little longer to get to its destination, for some unknown reason--unless there's this Media Mail corner in the post office where suchly designated packages sit for an undetermined amount of time, collecting dust and cobwebs before being issued out into the world and sent along their happy way. You never know...

Anyway--I really do try not to babble, but sometimes my brain just gets away from me...apologies. For anyone interested, drop me an email. We can configure a group list of books available for swapping-I'd be happy to keep an ongoing list of who has what and email around regular updates of books available for the swap, books we're looking for, and exchange addresses privately of parties swapping...

Plus, as the group grows, the volume of books available in the swap would grow. We'd be able to recommend books we enjoyed to the group or tell each other not to bother...Sound good?

I don't have much to offer swap-wise right off the bat since most of what I've read the past couple of years were on my Kindle. I do have Love Wins by Rob Bell and Game of Thrones by GRR Martin. I have a slew of books on my shelf to read that I will happily pass along later (including the rest of Mr. Martin's paperbacks of the Song of Fire and Ice series and The Help, which my friend, Jenn, has first dibs on.) Books I'm looking for right now are the Twilight series and The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (I know they're out there!) and the rest of Steig's series...So, if you're interested in sharing and swapping, do drop me a line and we'll get our group under way! Everyone is welcome! Happy Reading and Happy New Year!