Thursday, March 1, 2012

Count Me Accountable First Thursday Check In

Well, happy March everyone! This year needs to put on the brakes and just slow down a little, please?? I think we're in for an early spring, which is only making things go all the more faster--where was my snow this year? A disappointing winter, I have to say...I look out back and I see daffodils bravely poking through pawprint packed muddy earth. Silly flowers...it's too soon and Tucker will surely trample them before they even have a chance to bloom. Sad...but not...Wondering what our new yard will be like? Will I have a flower bed safe from crushing, digging puppy feet? I was glad that I had decided not to go ahead and plant asparagus last year--it'd only be destroyed by my bouncing Boxer as he's completely torn down the entire garden fence and chewed up the posts, and I won't be here to reap any sort of harvest that might manage to survive Tucker in later years anyway. There's a reason for everything...

Okay, I'm hemhawing. This morning was my first weigh in and I'm not liking my scale at all. I might just have to leave it here when we move, the rotten, disagreeable piece of junk...It said I gained half a pound...really??? Sigh...Okay, MyFitnessPal may not be the program for me. Once you log in all your meals for the day and your exercise minutes, it tells you how many calories you have left for the day and how many more you've 'earned' from your fitness. So, in the back of my head, I have this little voice rationalizing that I can graze here and there--I have these calories left, it's fine, I'm good...Yeah, apparently it's not fine or good. Then the stupid Girl Scout cookies I ordered at bowling arrived last Saturday...fortunately they're almost gone. Ugh...next week I must do better.

I started physical therapy yesterday after a mild panic attack that morning--I didn't want to go. The older I get, I am seriously becoming more agoraphobic and anthropophobic (fear of people--I want to call that homophobia but in the context of homo sapiens, not homosexuals...it's easier to say than anthropophobia, easier to spell too...) Or maybe it's neophobia...being afraid of new situations, places, or things. I am literally terrified of new situations and meeting new people. I had to take an Ativan to settle myself down as my husband and my friend, Missy, tried to talk some sense into me. Once medicated, I sucked it up and went. Miraculously I survived. No one killed me--whew! This is good since I have to go back today...

But, I'm not beating myself up over my lack of weight loss success this week since I'm still not able to exercise to my full potential. Okay, I don't need to eat every last calorie I have coming to me--that I can get under control...once those vile and evil Thin Mints are out of the house...And in a few more weeks I can start running again...patiently, patiently...I know I'll get there. It's all good. Stupid scale.

Must Love God
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2 comments:

  1. AnonymousMarch 1, 2012 at 8:01 AM

    First - I have decided to stop counting calories and chalk everything up to Pre-Menopause hormone problems. Now I am free to eat and exercise how I want (I do weigh myself every morning and curse the scale "gods").

    Second - I think fear develops with age, and at nearing 50 in a few months I would have to say I am afraid of life. My son says he is going to Hilton Head for spring break - I am already awake at night worrying. My other son goes to school and I am fearful. I have to drive to Pgh and I worry. I will chalk this up to getting older....I am trying to free myself of the worrying. I think about applying to a job notice and I am too scared to go (to afraid if it is a distance to drive and too afraid to be rejected yet again). It is paralyzing.

    Next time you are in one of those "spots" just call me - misery loves company and we can suffer together :) See, there is a benefit - having someone else to share with !!

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    Replies
    1. UnknownMarch 2, 2012 at 6:43 AM

      You can't possibly be turning 50!! You barely look 40!

      If I didn't have a good fifteen or more pounds to lose, I'd probably give up counting calories, but to have worked so hard to lose weight previously and know I can maintain it when I'm running regularly, this is frustrating to not be where I want to be weight wise...Plus we're gonna be living by the beach--and I'd really like to look half decent in a bikini still =0)

      Thanks for the commiseration--it's great to know I'm in good company! =0)

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