Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Responsibility and Doubt

I am a worrier, big time. I fuss and fret sometimes over the silliest things. But my worry and doubt have many times crushed me, stopped me dead in my tracks, convinced me I was unable to achieve whatever goal I had laid before me. Gnawing, nagging, relentless—worry eats at my soul and destroys my biggest dreams.  I know I’m not alone in this.

I’ve given up many dreams out of fear. I remember how I wanted to be a veterinarian when I was growing up. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to handle seeing or treating hurt or abused animals. So I didn’t pursue it. I wanted to be an artist but fear of failure or not producing perfect work halts me every time I pick up a brush. As a mother, I worry endlessly about Michael—how things I do or don’t do, say or don’t say will affect him throughout the rest of his life. All I want to do is love him—seems simple enough. But do I love him enough? Do I pay enough attention, give the right encouragement, or have I crushed a part of him somewhere along the line?

Even with raising Tucker and now these tiny, helpless birds. I worry Tucker won’t ever completely potty train, or stop his gnawing teething on people’s hands and arms or worse, the furniture and house—yes, he’s eating our house! I get frustrated when his progress seems to back step and blame myself for not doing better. The birds—are they eating enough, is it warm enough, can I maintain this feeding schedule, keep them clean and healthy? I must be doing something wrong…always the fear that I’m doing something wrong.

Why do we beat ourselves up so much? When does it stop? Why is it some people seem to soar through life without the slightest fear or worry, confidence gushing from their very pores, while so many of us struggle with making it through just a single day?

I believe 2 Timothy 1:7, “For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” I just have trouble feeling it. And the Enemy sits by my side whispering words of crippling disbelief in my ear, doing his best to overshadow the truth I know in my heart. Every day is a battle and some more difficult than others. But, I’m learning to recognize the whispers of doubt as the lies that they are. I remember to take those thoughts captive and give them up to Christ, who in turn reminds me of my strength, my hope, my peace. He reminds me that I CAN do ANYTHING with Him. He reminds me that always I am loved.

Today's picture:
The shelter of friendship

No comments:

Post a Comment

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.