One question that really hit a hard spot in my heart was this: "When do you find yourself focused more on what the Lord has blessed you with than on the Blesser Himself?" Ow. Joining the Joy Dare this year on Ann Voskamp's blog, I've tried to open my eyes to the multitude of simple gifts God showers on me and my family every day. With seizures and surgery, not to mention the mountain of medical bills to follow, it's not been the best start for a new year we've ever had. But I thought making this list of gratitude every day would help lift my spirits and keep me grounded positive as we muddled through the mire. But am I really, truly seeing what it is God wants me to see? Am I focusing on Him or just these gifts He's giving me?
In Hosea, God is fervently trying to get Israel's attention, to realize what a wasted effort it is for them to look for help and hope in aid from Egypt and Assyria. He simply wants them to wake up and recognize all they need, all they'd ever need, is Him, to trust and rely solely on their Father. But Israel is too blinded by fear, wrapped up in their own misguided self-salvation, to let go and instead, look up.
I realize that I, too, think I can get through this mess on my own. I plan out payments, relying on paychecks, expense reimbursements, and credit cards to cover the incoming charges for my medical care. I thank God for His generous provisions, for His continued care and healing, but I notice my heart is still not 100% invested. I still worry and fret--will there be enough? Then the expense of moving, our downpayment on the new house--how can we possibly do all of this? WE can't. HE can.
I pray for the strength and courage to let go of my reliance on my 'Egypt and Assyria', to fully acknowledge the only help and hope I need comes from the One who made me, who carries me through every storm...I pray that I would turn my focus on our Blesser and not so much the blessings, that in turn I might also be His blessing to others.
"Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?"